HOW TO WIN FRIENDS AND INFLUENCE PEOPLE

If your brother sins against you, go and rebuke him in private.

If he listens to you, you have won your brother.
Matthew 18:15

Sounds simple enough. So why do precious few people ever follow Jesus’ instructions?

First, there is the GO part. When someone offends us, normally the last thing we want to do is meet the offender face to face unless we’re able to get in their face, and that’s not exactly what Jesus is talking about. If we can’t tell them off, we normally choose to write them off, and then we nurse a grudge until our bitterness threatens to turn to downright hatred.

Next, there’s the PRIVATE issue. I mean, seriously? How many times have we been wronged and actually kept quiet about it? No behind-the-back whispers…no irate emails…no feigned “prayer requests” for the offender with a few juicy details thrown in…no phone conversations that turn into full-fledged roasts…no off-handed “jokes” to cover the hurt.

The LISTEN part is a challenge because it implies we’re going to not only GO in PRIVATE, but then we’re going to have the peace of mind to do more than share a piece of our minds. No one would listen if our goal were to defend our own honor, blow off steam or smear shame and guilt everywhere we feel it belongs. No doubt Jesus is talking about more than giving vent to our feelings here.

Finally, the WON part makes it a done deal. Few of us are ever interested in doing more than winning the argument, making a point, or having the final word. After all, isn’t that the definition of sweet victory?

Not according to Jesus. He’s talking about winning the other person to Christ. First, taking the initiative to GO for that purpose alone. Not to confront, but to conform the other person to the mind of Christ about the issue involved. In PRIVATE. Without telling a single soul. With an interest in protecting the other person’s reputation more than in defending our own. To say with love what the other person may be willing to LISTEN to if he or she is convinced that I have come for his or her sake, to WIN the other person over to the righteousness of Christ. Not to point out how deeply they’ve wounded us, but to spell out how far they’ve strayed from the heart of God. As someone wisely said, Don’t point AT the sheep…point TO the Shepherd.

It’s not natural to want to respond this way to a person who has wounded us. And most of the people around us would encourage us to either write the person off or blast her with everything she deserves.

But, as Christians, we don’t have to act naturally. And we certainly aren’t obliged to react the way the world responds. In fact, we can act supernaturally because we are called to kingdom, not wordly, living, and we are invited to think and respond and conduct ourselves like Christ.

One more item of responsibility we bear as Christians. We need to make sure we don’t become the sounding board for another Christian brother or sister who has been wronged. In other words, when someone else comes to us to share the details about how they’ve been wronged, we need to have the guts to refuse to listen. Instead, we should guide them to follow the instructions given by Jesus: go in private, share the Truth so they will listen, and do everything in your power to win them to Christ.

That, my friend, would result in sweet victory.